Mary Christ Miss!


It seems as though no matter how good I’ve been all year, no matter how many times I go to church and no matter how much money I spend on material things that bring me only fleeting joy, I still have to deal with this crap every freaking holiday season: PUT “CHRIST” BACK IN “CHRISTMAS”.

You can't explain that.

My annoyance stems not from the position that saying “Happy Holidays” is an attack on Christmas (I don’t care), nor from the position that saying “Merry Christmas” is an insult to those whose faith, or lack thereof, doesn’t include Christmas (again, I don’t care).

My annoyance stems from the fact that people actually care enough about this trivial issue to pollute my internets and airwaves every year with their vapid and incessant bickering.

Here’s how I see it.

I’m sick of your PC crap!!!

Conservatives looooooove the anti-politically-correct platform. It’s a broader issue than I care to discuss here, but the Christmastime holidays constitute a disproportionately large part of their entire argument.

The fact is, Christmas is the holiday we celebrate on December 25. We (the United States) have celebrated Christmas on this day for our entire existence, and the rest of the world for quite awhile before that. Regardless of your faith, or the fact that Christmas is the holiday that is disproportionately celebrated in the United States (more on this later), picking an American at random and wishing them a “Merry Christmas” will, I believe, be the correct greeting roughly 70% of the time.

If you’re not Christian, or don’t otherwise celebrate Christmas, someone wishing you a “Merry Christmas” is not an underhanded attempt to 1) convert you to Christianity, or 2) make you feel left out. Particularly when you see generic holiday signs around malls and grocery stores, these are (admittedly corporate) gestures of goodwill.

tl;dr Take it at face value and move on with your life. Nobody’s trying to trample your faith, or lack thereof. Trying to have it censored is just stupid.

We must respect ALL the holidays!!!

The United States is not a Christian nation. It was not founded as one, its Constitution hints at its forbidden nature and the Supreme Court has explicitly ruled against integration of faith and politics, and the Pilgrims explicitly forbade its celebration (to counter the inevitable “but the pilgrims landed here to escape religious persecution!” bullcrap).

Furthermore, Christmas is a holiday that was yoinked from the pagans, along with the tree. This whole business of a “holiday tree” is absolutely valid, considering Catholicism assimilated it for the sole purpose of making its institution more favorable in the eyes of pagans who, through no coincidence whatsoever, had deep pockets.

Also, Jesus wasn’t even born on December 25. In fact, most historical research tends to place the birth around the spring, sometime in the March-June range.

Finally, “Jesus is the reason for the season” is an incredibly narrow-minded phrase that actively ignores many other religious holidays that fall around this time of year. For one, a “season” does not mean “one day”. For another, while the Jewish and Muslim holiday calendars do fluctuate (how about that crazy Gregorian calendar, eh?), their holidays also tend to fall around December.

tl;dr Grow a brain and step outside your comfort zone. Acknowledging that your faith isn’t the only one in this country would do you a lot of good.

Concluding Wisdom from the Ages

Please enjoy this special time of year and quit your annoying complaining. I assure you nobody wants to hear it except for those who already agree with you. Unless you enjoy echo chambers that much?

About Shannon Quinn

Oh hai!
This entry was posted in Holidays, Real Life, the dark side and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Mary Christ Miss!

  1. eksith says:

    There’s really only one holiday greeting that I’d get offended by and that’s Happy Memorial Day.
    I don’t even answer that one; I just have the “Dude, really?” look on my face until they get it.
    Granted it’s not a religious holiday, but it really does put into perspective how much we’ve lost touch with what the holidays are really all about.

    PROTIP: Wear gloves when hanging ornaments. Those pine needles are murder on your fingers.

    • magsol says:

      Wait, I haven’t heard this one before. Is it the name of the holiday that bothers you, or the holiday itself?

      I seem to be in this habit now–since I live 800 miles from my parents–of arriving home after my parents have selected a tree, set it up in the house, and fully decorated it. Granted, it would be nice to help select the family holiday/Christmas/pagan/satanic tree, but just think of all that work and finger-sticking I’ve avoided!

      • I think he means that “Happy Memorial Day” is a contradiction in terms – Memorial Day is a solemn holiday. Why would you wish someone a happy day to mourn the loss of our fallen?

      • magsol says:

        Oh, right. Derp. Thanks!

      • eksith says:

        Haha yea, that’s what I meant 😀

        I have a friend who used to keep this old plastic tree in his room that looked like it was made of the same stuff as Astroturf. He would take it out during the holidays and leave it plugged in and turned on (LED lights) and then leave a giftbox with an envelope with a list of his New Year’s resolutions inside.

        After he celebrated Christmas with the family, he’d come home and open the giftbox (his present to himeself is the list), but won’t open the envelope until New Year. Then after January 1st, he’ll open the envelope, pick one resolution out and go through with it. And next Christmas, he would cross out the resolution he completed that year and put the list back in the giftbox.

        All this elaborate theater is his own little Christmas and New Year tradition that apparently he came up with after he moved out of his parents house.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s